Hi Guys!
I can't believe it! I've made it to the end of semester one. It has been the longest 13 weeks of my life, but it is finally the Christmas break. Moving to university is probably the hardest and most stressful thing I have ever done. However there were also good moments too. I thought I would share my experience of the first term at university with you today.
Freshers Week
Oh my God! This was without a doubt the worst week of my entire life! It felt like it lasted about 3 weeks and was extremely isolating. As I hadn't really met anybody yet I found this week really hard. I am not the type of person to go out to meet people. I feel anxious at just the thought of going to the SU or going on a night out. As a result it was really hard as it felt as if everyone else was out there having fun and was stuck inside ready bloody Ovid! This week was the week where my anxiety rocketed as well and it was at a higher level than it ever had been before. Therefore I spend the week crying down the phone to my mum, watching boxsets to take my mind off things and worrying about everything! And I mean everything. Things that I wouldn't have even considered before were now a massive deal, especially when it comes to health and safety, which to be honest hasn't gone away. My highlight of this week however was the welcome week lectures as this was the only time I was really speaking to any other humans. However I wasn't worried, because I knew I would meet people as soon as my lessons begun.
First Week
Facebook is the greatest invention for people who are anxious and don't want to walk into things knowing nobody. I met two of my friends through a group chat and this made it a lot less nerve-racking. However that does not mean that I wasn't completely terrified. I met up with one of my friends before the first lecture and afterwards we had a two hour break before our next session and we literally spent the whole time talking! Which is something I never thought I would be able to do. It turned out that we had so much in common and now she is one of my best friends. In the afternoon I met up with another friend and we walked to our session together. I was really scared as the Quad at uni is the hardest thing to navigate!
Next Few Weeks
Over the next few weeks I developed more friendships and, although the personal side of things was going really badly, my friends really helped me to get through. My first assignment was due in at the end of October and this wasn't as hard to complete as I thought and I ended up with a 2:1 which I was really proud of. The hardest thing was reading the texts and making sure that I coped when I was at my accommodation. To be honest my mind has tried to block out most of how I felt when I was in my accommodation, but I remember feeling really alone and having real problems with anxiety. I felt really bad every time my mum or dad visited as when they left I would just cry.
Going Home for the First Time
This was something that I was really looking forward to it. I surprised my dad by not telling him (unfortunately couldn't keep it from my mum). His reaction was pretty unenthusiastic, but I know he missed me really. I had a really good weekend seeing my sister and her family and seeing how much my little nephew (who was about a month old) had grown. However when it came to going back to uni I was just dreading it. The thought that I was be alone again was overwhelming and I felt awful when my mum drove me back. I literally cried more than ever before when she left me.
Going Home More Frequently
Now I tend to go home every weekend. Some people think that is excessive, but it is better for me. People had warned me against it, saying that it would make things harder, but in actual fact for me it makes me feel better. I makes the week slightly more bearable if I know I am going home at the weekend. I just felt that I needed the extra support from my family and I should have to justify that to others. If they don't like it, they can keep their opinions to themselves. It also helps to motivate me to do more in the week as it means that I don't have to do much when I'm at home so I can just enjoy the weekend.
Visiting Wellbeing
At the end of October I visited wellbeing for the first time. It was really hard to pluck up the courage and it took about 3 days before I finally went. However it did make me feel slightly better and it was good to know that someone from the university knew how I was feeling. The woman I saw gave me some advice and referred to a mental health adviser to help with my anxiety. I went to a few session and this is when I was truly able to tell someone that I wanted to leave. I took about a month before my feelings were realised and I felt so relieved.
Reading Week
I went home at both weekends, but stayed at uni in the week. I don't regret doing this in terms of the work and reading I got done as I wouldn't have done anything at home. However it was probably the hardest week since freshers as I didn't really see anyone as most people either went home, were sleeping or were just too busy. As a result I felt more isolated again. Plus the fact that I was still really confused about leaving, didn't make be feel any better. I didn't get as much assessment work done as I had expected to do as I was feeling so down and did procrastinate slightly throughout this week. By the end of the week I had pretty made my mind up to leave. However on a more positive note, I saw one of my friends out of uni at the end of the week and this was really fun. We listened to Christmas songs and just talked for hours! Which was great and really took my mind off things!
Preparations to leave
I told the mental health adviser I wanted to leave and together we put a plan together of all the people I had to see. As a result I felt slightly more positive as finally my decision was being taken seriously. Over the next week I spoke to so many people about why I wanted to leave to the point that if one more person said "have you got a plan?" I was gonna scream!
Reconsidering
After I told my tutor and my friends I felt a lot better. They were all so supportive and I felt a lot happier. By near to the end of week 11 I felt myself begin to reconsider leaving. I was really enjoying the academic side of things and as a result found myself not wanting to leave. I told my head of programme and at the moment I am trying to work a way to stay. Also at the end of the week I went out was all my friends for cake to celebrate the end of the semester which was great fun!
All in all it has felt like a never ending rollercoaster!
Thanks for Stopping By! :)
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